UR Day Four . . .

So, day four is down! I was really curious how I’d deal with this meal plan, since the 3 day refresh is only…three days. I’m very pleased with myself that it went well!

I had a pretty crummy day yesterday. I went into Best Buy to check and see how their insurance plan (that I pay for) works. I wanted to see if I could have them send in my phone, and have a replacement sent back to me (like they said I could do). When I got there, at first he asked me if I knew there was a fee, upwards of $200 to have the phone repaired with the BB insurance. The lady that I originally bought the phone from, said NOTHING about that. She said, “you could drop it in the toilet and bring it to us, we give you a new one – that’s why you pay 7.99/mo instead of a fee”. That’s absolutely untrue. And, at any rate, because I have Apple Care, I can ONLY go to the Apple store to get my phone fixed. I was really ticked off. As we (I took my three kids with me) left, I was upset, but instead of letting it ruin my entire day (like I normally would), I didn’t. I took a breath and just dealt with it. I don’t like being lied to, especially when it comes to things like this. But, I’ll just call and cancel it and all will be done. I have to wait until Thursday to get my phone repaired and there’s really nothing I can do about it.

I was able to do my second day of the 3 week yoga retreat yesterday. I’m still really not digging yoga, and it’s really frustrating that it’s so slow, it’s boring, and it’s hard to do with 3 kids running around. Although, I think starting Monday I will be getting up with my husband again in the mornings so I can get yoga in BEFORE the kids wake up. I can’t lay down or close my eyes without someone needing something, crying for something, someone’s looking at someone funny… there are definitely no ommmm vibes going on with 3 kids. I think this will also help me eat earlier throughout the day. Because of how the UR is set up, you have to wait 30 minutes after taking your supplements to eat and then after eating, wait 2 hours to take your next set of supplements. So, it’s hard to get everything in before 9pm. I’m wanting to get it more to 7pm. So waking up and taking my supplements, do my yoga, then have my breakfast before 7:30am sounds like a better plan than what I’ve been doing.

Breakfast was 3 cups of fruit and 3/4c non-fat plain yogurt. I used 2c blueberries and 1c strawberries – and man – that’s a lot of blueberries ๐Ÿ˜€ It was super good though. I absolutely love blueberries. I could (and do, ha!) eat them every day. I’m really not a fruit person, but blueberries have my heart. With all three pregnancies I craved them and the craving just kind of stuck. And they’re in season now so I’ve been scooping them up for super cheap! I’ve noticed that blueberries for some reason, also tend to help my fibro pain, so that’s always a plus and probably why I like them so much ๐Ÿ˜‰

Lunch was quinoa salad and microgreen salad. I am getting tired of quinoa, haha, so I put it on top of my microgreen salad and holy hell – that bowl had to weigh 3-4 pounds. At least it felt that way. It was really good together though, and I was able to finally eat an entire lunch, so that was good. I am happy to say, though, my next lunch is going to be something different: I’m going to do a greek salad with pine nuts and homemade creamy herb dressing and a baked sweet potato. I’m excited to try something new!

I got to take my lovely greens after lunch. They are getting better; I guess because I know what to expect now. In one of my Facebook groups, there was a lady that opened the greens packet, stuck it in her mouth and then chased with water – I’ll never be that brave, haha, but it was funny to watch. My toddler still looks at it and says, “ew mommy, you eat dirt thats not Shakeology” and it makes me crack up every time – so that helps with it, too.

I had my yummy combo of vegan chocolate Shakeology with 1 1/2tsp EVCO. I added two distilled ice cubes in it, and it was great. Although, it pretty much turned the melted EVCO into solid form again, so it looked gross again, but dang, it was still super good!

Dinner was zucchini-cashew soup and roasted root medley. I did it the same way I did on Thursday, and loved it. This soup is definitely going to be a regular in this house. And I also never thought to roast certain veggies together (that I normally wouldn’t eat together), but it really works!

I’m still sleeping really soundly, best sleep in a very long time. My fibromylagia pain is acting up more, though, so that’s a bummer. The tingling sensation in my back that feels like ants are crawling in my skin, the constant sore aching really, really sucks. But, one of the main components of my diet I needed to take out was refined sugar. That really agitates my fibromyalgia more than anything. This is all a process that takes time and results don’t happen overnight. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

Ultimate Reset from Beach Body

UR Day Three . . .

So, it’s day three today of the Ultimate Reset. While it’s only been a few days, I already feel myself sleeping A LOT more sound than I have in a VERY, VERY long time. I don’t wake up nearly as much, which is SO nice. I’m still pretty sore, but not as sore as I was yesterday, which is a plus. In some of the Facebook groups I am in that are about the UR, they mentioned some people having mood swings. I haven’t quite experienced that (yet), but it’s only day three. I woke up today with a lot more energy than I have been lately, which is a very nice change for sure!

Since today is day three, I am repeating meals. I decided to do the same meal plan for wed/fri/sun/tues and then a different one for thurs/sat/mon. I picked two meals from the list of breakfast, lunch and dinner so I could rotate them. This helps me stay on track because I’m so used to meal prepping when I was doing the 21 DF and CDF (both meal plan programs are essentially the same). This ALSO helps with my budget. There are A LOT of different ingredients for the UR, most of which are fruits and vegetables and that can get pricey. For the week, I went to the farmer’s market and spent $56 bucks in fruits and veggies. Not too shabby! Then, I went and picked everything else up I needed and it was about $30 bucks. I’m a busy mom to three kids, so time means EVERYTHING. I picked recipes I knew I could make ahead of time, and double or triple the batch depending on what it is. Many people complain about the grocery lists and the time consuming meal prepping and planning with the UR. It doesn’t have to be crazy and fancy. It can be simple and quick!

As I said previously, I’m rotating my meals. So, for breakfast this morning, I had 1c blueberries, 1/2c steel cut oatmeal and 1/2c non-fat plain yogurt. I decided to be a little adventurous and mixed everything together. It was SUPER tasty that way! And I usually have a hard time eating things in the morning (which is why I LOVE my Shakeology!), so mixing it all together made it seem easier to eat. And I’ve come to the conclusion, it was really good! I heated the oatmeal up for about a minute, then added the yogurt and blueberries. Yum!

I took my supplements and drank my water (I’ve been drinking a little over a gallon a day, which is pretty typical for me. It’s a LITTLE harder to drink because it’s distilled water and I can’t have ice (well, if I made distilled ice, but, I keep forgetting), and I NEED my water to be ice cold. I’m thinking for tomorrow I’ll be putting my gallon in the freezer. I’m probably also the only weirdo that thinks distilled water has an aftertaste. It tastes kind of salty to me, and I’m not too fond of it. But, it’s water and I love water and I need to drink water…so, distilled water it is!

Lunch was a repeat of Wednesday’s… quinoa salad made with avocado, liquid aminos, cucumber and tomato. And I had my huge bag of mixed veggies that I dipped into some garlic roasted hummus. This is probably my favorite lunch so far. It doesn’t have quite as much to it as the microgreen salad (THANKFULLY!), but it has just enough to where I am full afterwards and not starving for my snack. Speaking of quinoa, is there a trick to it? The only way I can make really good rice is in my rice cooker. If I try and cook it on the stove it’s dry and usually burnt. I put the quinoa on stove and added the water and let it sit afterwards for 10 minutes before fluffy with a fork. It was still pretty much just stuck on the bottom. And it’s pretty crunchy. Every single time I’ve made it it’s this way..which is why I stopped making it ๐Ÿ˜€ So, if anyone has any tips, please feel free to let me have them!

For my snack, I had my Shakeology with 1 1/2tsp EVCO. This is now my go-to Shakeo flavor until I can go back to my regular banana, 2tsp almond butter and Shakeo. This one tastes like an almond joy, ๐Ÿ™‚ I also made distilled ice cubes, so today I’m going to put one or two in there tomorrow and see if it tastes even better. I LOVE my Shakeology cold and thick and haven’t been getting that result sans ice cubes, hopefully I’ll get that tomorrow!

Dinner was my favorite again – southwestern veggie taco! I did what I did Wednesday and just heated up my corn tortilla in the oven and made it crunchy like chips and broke it up and mixed it in my mixture. It’s way too much to fit into one shell anyway, so this was the better option, for sure.

So, day three is DOWN and I’m am ready to tackle day four tomorrow! I’m really curious to see what day 4 has in store for me. I’ve done the 3 day refresh twice and always felt amazing afterwards – 21 days of super clean eating and a detox – I know I’ll feel even better. I’ve always been a big instant gratification type person. I’m making a promise to myself that I will only weigh in weekly, on Wednesday’s, when I take my progress picture. This is a new years resolution that I made, but definitely have not been following. I need to trust this process, and trust that my body will follow suit. While I do plan (hopefully) to lose some weight during this process, I’m looking forward more to how my body feels, how I respond to certain foods, etc. This process is definitely challenging me to eat all of the food in the meals (there have been two lunches I just can’t finish – I tried – but it’s A LOT of food and A LOT of chewing) and I am up for the challenge. You definitely DO NOT (well, everyone’s different, but for me, so far) feel hungry. You don’t feel like you’re starving and depriving yourself. So far, I am pleased with the Ultimate Reset. More to come tomorrow! Stay tuned!

Ultimate Reset from Beach Body, Uncategorized

UR Day Two . . .

So, yesterday was a day, y’all, a day. My older kiddos had an early release from school yesterday (after being off for two weeks – and has today off and Monday off as well. OH BOY! I love them…but, if you’re a mom you’ll understand it) and I always park and walk to pick them up. It started back when my youngest was an infant and she hated the car. She hated it. Screamed bloody murder – for hours. It was terrible. At my kid’s school (and I’m sure it’s like this everywhere), if you don’t get there at least 45 minutes early, you’re sitting in a LONG line, waiting to get your child. When you have an infant screaming, it feels like forever. So, I found a parking lot to park and pop the kid in my Tula and off we go. She loves being worn, I love the exercise, so it was a win-win.


Khloe in her new Tula I got for Christmas ๐Ÿ™‚ Last photo before my phone got murdered.

I just got a replacement phone for the new phone I bought on December 21. On NYE, I dropped it on its corner and it shattered. I got a new one on January 7th, and got a case for it. All’s good, right? Nope. I went to buckle my youngest in her car seat after picking the kids up from school and left my phone on the roof of my car. And I didn’t realize I had done this until I got home and went to look for my phone, and my heart sank. I knew exactly what I had done. I packed all three kids up and back to their school I went. It was in the road, (it looked like that’s where it landed when it fell off), upside down. It looked intact, and I was SO hopeful. Then, my hopes and dreams crashed pretty hard. It must have been ran over, or I don’t really know what, but it’s toast. The Apple Store doesn’t have an appointment until THURSDAY. Which, really stinks when you have three kids. I’ll be calling Best Buy to see if maybe they can’t do something a little quicker than that. If not, it is what it is. I still have my old phone when I upgraded to my new one, and while that screen is shattered, too (not my fault! The two year old’s fault that time), I can still take photos and do my UR journey. It’ll be a little more wonky, and no selfies (I know, so disappointing, ha), but, it’ll get done! And, I re-downloaded my Beach Body Challenge tracker app on my old phone, so I can still participate in that and win some of that cash from the pot!

The entire reason for the first part of the post, is to explain why I didn’t blog my day two of the UR yesterday – but here it is!!

I don’t have a photo of my breakfast (but will be having it tomorrow, so, I’ll get a photo then) because that was one of the last pictures I took before it bit the dust – but I had 3/4c non-fat plain yogurt and 3 cups (yes, three. cups.) of fresh fruit (blueberries, strawberries and kiwi). It was really tasty. I’ve never been a morning person and I usually do my vegan chocolate Shakeology with a banana and 2 tsp of almond butter, but, during the UR none of that – which is a nice change because this way I can have more options. It kept me pretty full.

After having my supplements, I waited a bit and had lunch. Today was quinoa salad and a microgreen salad with a homemade (UR approved) creamy garlic dressing. Oh. My. VEGETABLES. The microgreen salad has a TON in it. Like, A TON. Broccoli, spinach, tomatoes, cilantro, carrots, red pepper….It was REALLY good with the dressing, though. I’ll definitely have to make that a staple as far as dressings go. I’m also really digging the quinoa salad. It’s really delicious. With the liquid aminos I add to it, it makes it a little salty and tastes kind of like soy-sauce and with the cucumber, avocado and tomato, it goes really well together! I never thought I’d want to have quinoa on a regular basis, but the past few days, especially with it cold, have been delicious!


There is A LOT of food here. I felt like the bionic rabbit. Nom nom.

I had to have my lovely power greens afterwards, which were….still interesting. That’s honestly been the ‘worst’ part of the UR (so far). It just seriously tastes like dirt and looks like tar, lol. It’s full of amazing things for you, and great benefits, so I think about that as I chug away. They get easier (some say), so, I’m hoping for that! But again, if that’s the worst part about this experience, I’ll take it!

For my snack, I had Shakeology! I did a new recipe because the flaxseed/blueberry version of my shake just wasn’t a hit for me. I did vegan Chocolate Shakeology and 1 1/2tsp EVCO. It was SO good. It was like an almond joy. It was great! The only complaint…I didn’t melt the EVCO before adding it to my shake, so it looked really gross, haha.


Half a scoop of Vegan Chocolate Shakeology and 1 1/2tsp EVCO. Like I said, it looked really gross, but tasted soooo good!

I had my supplements and whatnot, waited a little bit, then I got to try a new dinner. This was SO FRIGGIN’ GOOD! I’ll definitely be making this again. I made roasted root medley and had a side of zucchini cashew soup. I made a few batches of the soup as part of my meal prep and wanted to try it so badly when I made it, but I was good and waited until yesterday. It was so creamy and delicious. I LOVE soup, but HATE how full it makes you feel afterwards (I’m still working on feeling full and sitting with that feeling and not being anxious), and this soup didn’t make me feel like that at all. I added chopped green onion to my soup (as well as the medley) and did half a tablespoon of my homemade pico I made the night before for the southwestern veggie taco. My husband tried both dishes and he liked them as well. So, winning! I was really hesitant at first to try new foods and do different things because once I find something I like, I eat it until I get sick of it, haha. So, a change of scenery is great.


Left: root medley – carrots, sweet potatoes, yellow onion with green onion on top – baked for about 50 minutes. DELICIOUS! Right: zucchini cashew soup – made with the obvious. It really was a delicious dinner!

So, for day two, all and all, I’d call it a success. I’ve been dealing with some overall soreness, and I’m a lot more tired than I normally am, but this is all part of the detoxing process. Getting away from harsh things in foods and jump-starting a healthier body. Also, I have a pretty bad headache I’ve had for a little bit, and I attribute that to the bountiful amounts of sugar I consume with Double Bubble gum and wine. Plus, the lack of coffee isn’t helping, either. I am committed though, and know that this is temporary for an awesome result. I feel like junk because I haven’t been fueling my body with what it really needs.



The Ultimate Reset (UR) . . .

So, first off, it’s been quite a while since I wrote in here. I got caught up with life and three kids and a husband and it’s been crazy during the holidays.

image1 (1).jpg

MMA SPEED! I already did a Cize work out earlier that day, but I felt like I needed just one more kick! I really do love this program!

I started a new program, Core De Force on December 1, 2016 and finished it on December 30th. I was about mid-way through when I realized after I was done with CDF, I wanted to branch out and do something a little different from what I had been doing since September. I knew my body NEEDED that rest period after an intense program like CDF, and I am glad that I am listening to it. CDF takes a lot out of you (in a good way!) and makes you think you can do things you never thought possible – at least I know for me! I am not coordinated and I get frustrated very easily when I can’t seem to grasp something, but I pushed through. Every single day I pressed play. No matter if it was a holiday, if I wasn’t feeling too well, the baby had a bad night . . . and I am SO glad I did. I proved to myself that I can commit to something and stick with it, especially because it wasn’t easy. For the hell of it, last night I did my last hurrah intense work out for the next 21 days while I do the UR. I did MMA Speed, the first work out ever on CDF. It truly AMAZED me how much I retained and how much felt like second nature. Once my UR is done, I cannot WAIT to do a second round of CDF and see how I do. I wasn’t as pleased with my results from CDF like I was with the 21 Day Fix. And I’m okay with that – the 21 Day Fix isn’t about memorization. The 21 Day Fix helped me learn portion control, how to stay motivated, how to incorporate different foods. It helped me make my own 21 Day Fix approved recipes that I applied to my every day food choices and eating healthy doesn’t suck!


I ALWAYS plan ahead when I do a program like this – I meal prepped for the next four days (that’s what the booklet to the left is). The booklet to the right is the UR guide book to follow. The bracelet came with the UR, to remind you of your journey. Then, on the upper left there are your supplements and greens (Oi!)

So, like I said earlier, about mid-December I made a plan to do the Ultimate Reset. I have already done the 3 Day Refresh twice, and I loved the way it made my body feel. The UR sets your body up to begin to heal – inside and out. I don’t know about you, but I feel like everyone could use a tune up now and again – and NOT by starving yourself. On this plan they basically set you up to go back to the basics. I feel like I needed this because I’ve been having several health problems lately that I truly think are a food allergy of some sort. I haven’t been able to find the culprit yet, but I am hoping by doing the UR, I’ll have some answers. I want to see how much my fibromylagia pain will decrease. I have been needing to nix sugar from my diet in everyday life because that is one thing that makes my pain worse – sugar. And I am a sugar FIEND. I’m always chewing gum, have candy in my pocket, something. Always. And, then there’s the lovely wine. So much unnecessary sugar that my body is screaming, ‘save me, save me!’ and I finally made a commitment to listen to it. It’s a new year and while I don’t really ever make resolutions, I am making it a point to become healthier. I got a jump-start to my journey in September when the first Beach Body Health Bet came about, and what better way to do the second BB Health Bet by doing the UR?! I planned this out because it is a three-week reset. From January 11th until February 1st, I will be doing the UR. For the next three weeks, you slowly introduce your body back into certain foods. My birthday is February 28th, so I have 6 weeks and 6 days until my birthday. This is a birthday present to myself. To get healthier. I feel amazing now, I cannot wait until I am done, and see how I feel.

Boy, do you EAT on this program. The volume of food is somewhat overwhelming to me, especially since I have been used to using the 21 Day Fix containers. It’s all good, wholesome food for you. I love it. I don’t feel hungry. I don’t feel like I’m anxiously waiting for my next meal.


Breakfast today was: 1c fresh blueberries, 1/2c non-fat plain yogurt and 1/2c steel rolled oats with 1tsp pure maple syrup.


Lunch today was pretty awesome! I had 1/2c roasted garlic hummus with a huge plate of fresh mixed veggies and I made (for the first time ever!) quinoa salad! It was REALLY tasty! I marinated the quinoa in liquid amino acids, 1 tablespoon of EVOO. Then topped it with half an avocado (it called for olives, but I don’t like them much), cucumber and tomatoes!


One of the not so fun parts of the UR is the Greens. My lord. My coach says it gets easier, lol. I’ll take her word for it ๐Ÿ˜‰ It wasn’t too terrible ย . . .


I did a new Shakeology recipe because we can’t have bananas on the UR. My go-to shakeology combination is vegan chocolate with a banana and 2 tsp almond butter. Today was flaxseed, 1/4c frozen blueberries and 1/2 scoop vegan chocolate. It wasn’t bad, but I miss my regular combo! Tomorrow I’ll be trying a new one, so we’ll see!!

image1 (2).jpg

OH MAN! My dinner! It’s a southwestern veggie taco. I toasted the corn tortilla in the oven to make it crunchy like a chip, and I’ll dip in my taco mixture. It’s got avocado, homemade pico, corn, black beans and brown rice. Lots of lime!! My favorite meal so far I think ๐Ÿ™‚

I took some before pictures and I keep contemplating whether or not I should share them. It was hard enough taking them, let alone have people all over the Internet critique my flaws. Then, I think to myself, I should be proud of where I’ve come since September, and be proud of the commitment I have to keep going, and strive harder.


I just finished my first gallon of distilled water for the rest…only 20 more to go, bahaha!


I’ve posted this picture before, but, I wanted to post it again, and below, post my most current “before” pictures (taken today)ย 


And this is taken today: 1/11/17. It’s been SO hard to post these, but, I need to see them. Stretch marks and all. I’ve been working hard. I’m not striving for perfection anymore, I’m just hungry for progress.

I’ll be doing an update (hopefully! Maybe they won’t all be so lengthy) every day to keep track of my progress. I’ll also be doing updated photos every Wednesday to see physically the progress I am making. Stay tuned, y’all!!


An Exciting Day!

Hey, you guys! So, I decided to write on my blog about something instead of posting it on Facebook (although, my blog is linked to my FB, so it shows up there, but not unless you click on it) because I have several friends that are in eating disorder recovery, and I learned a long, long time ago in treatment that numbers can be very triggering for some (it was for me for a while) and the last thing I want to do is trigger anyone.

As y’all know, I started Core De Force yesterday (another Beach Body program). It is an AMAZING program. I finished up the second work out today around 7am. What a way to start the day! I never knew there were so many different variations of a push-up, and boy are my arms feeling it! But it feels AMAZING. I can’t wait to see the transformation that I’ll be at when I reach day 30 of CDF!

I stepped on the scale today, just to prove to myself that even after a detox, it wasn’t just water weight I lost. And, guess what? IT WASN’T! (While following the CDF eating plan and doing my work out, I maanged to lose 1.7lbs) I’ve been at a stand-still weight loss wise because 1) I was slacking on eating properly and eating throughout the day and 2) I had done the 21 Day Fix program three times – my body needed a change and I listened and GUESS WHAT? Today, since September 6, 2016, I’ve lost 20.7 pounds! THE HEALTHY WAY. No starving, no purging, no self-hate. No exercising for hours on end. Just the old-fashioned, change your LIFESTYLE type thing. I’ve never been able to lose weight this way. It was always don’t eat, work out for 8 hours a day, no sleep, eating some salad and sometimes grilled chicken and call it a day.

When I had my two oldest children, I was still pretty eating disordered wired. It never really leaves you, the thoughts and obsessions are always there, but there’s a way of dealing with them and changing your mind-set when you’re in recovery. I wasn’t there with the older kids, but I am now. When I had kids, I was scared I was going to “give them” my eating disorder. It is hereditary and I’m sure a lot of it is learned behavior as well (though, to my knowledge, no one in my family has ever had an eating disorder before me). But, I’ll be damned if I let my children suffer the way I suffered my entire childhood, teenhood and some of my adulthood. I want to teach my children that exercising daily is healthy and you need to be fueling your body with nutritious foods. Everyone always wants their children to have more and better than they did as a child – I think I am doing a pretty good job so far.

When I stepped on the scale today, and saw the number I did (I’m still not comfortable revealing that number, and probably never will be – but – we’ll see), I had to remind myself that this isn’t about weight loss. I knew weight loss was going to happen (and, it needed to happen. I was not at a healthy weight for my body type or height and while I wasn’t obese, I was overweight and I was unhappy), but I started this journey intially because I wanted a change. No. I NEEDED a change. I told myself, what do I have to lose by trying to change my lifestyle into a lifestyle that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. And then I told myself, I have NOTHING to lose other than negative baggage. This was MY time to take care of MYSELF. I love my children and I love my husband, but I can’t love them the right way unless I take care of myself. Women and mothers especially seem to forget that we need to take care of ourselves, too. We can’t be the best we are if we don’t treat ourselves as good as we treat our children and husband. We deserve to have happiness and we deserve to be treated well.

With that being said, I hope y’all have a happy Thursday!



My Second 3 Day Refresh Experience . . .

Hey y’all. It’s been a while since I’ve posted. The holidays got a little hectic because I love to cook and I cooked for an entire army of people, and we just invited one friend over. But, I was able to send him home with a lot of leftovers, the hubs enjoyed the leftovers for lunches and the kids even enjoyed them, too! The day before Thanksgiving, we had a random power outage (while I was marinating the turkey and cooking chicken for my homemade chicken egg rolls, no less), which completely fried our modem. I never realized how much I used the Internet until that day. I couldn’t get any recipes to cook my side dishes – it was a mess – but somehow I got it done and all was well and we had an awesome Thanksgiving day. I am so thankful for my family and I am thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom and dedicate my time to doing what I love – taking care of my family. And cooking. Lots and lots of cooking ๐Ÿ™‚

I decided to do the 3 Day Refresh again the Monday after Thanksgiving because I felt like I had ‘fallen off the wagon’ and was making poor choices. I wasn’t staying focused, and new I needed a little something different to just ramp up my journey. I have to say, I am SO THANKFUL that I did this Refresh again. It really made me realize how crappy my choices in food (and wine, lots of wine) had been recently. It also made me realize something that I don’t think I’ve ever realized before – I MISSED FOOD. Don’t get me wrong, on the 3 Day Refresh, you get to eat yummy fruits and vegetables, healthy fats, drink your Shakeology, and 2 vanilla shakes as well. However, now that I look at food differently, it just really made me thankful that I am in a much better place than I was a few months ago. I knew I needed to do something to fix how I was feeling. And if you know me, you know once I put my mind and heart into something, I get it done and I don’t stop until it’s done the way *I* want it. It’s not wrong to be a strong-willed woman, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m VERY pleased this go around with my 3 Day Refresh. I am down 5.8lbs (which, I attribute to the wine and stuffing and cheesy yummy spinach casserole), 2″ off my waist and feel so much lighter. My body feels more clean and I did this in a safe and effective way. The bloating is gone, the puffiness in my face is also gone (thanks, wine), so that’s a plus! But, overall, I mentally and physically feel in a better place. Having the 3 days to do small meal prep and figure out times to eat to make sure my metabolism stays running was definitely something I needed because TODAY, I start a new program. Core De Force. I CANNOT WAIT. It’s MMA inspired and the exercise moves look super wicked. It follows the same meal plan as the 21 Day Fix (and I am in the same caloric bracket as the 21 Day Fix) so I’m happy about that because I already have the containers, I already know which combo of foods and at which times in the day helps my body and energy and now I’ll be able to get stronger and more defined muscles. I had been at a plateauย for a few weeks because I wasn’t following my meal plan correctly. I was starting to get back in the habit of, well, I don’t have time to eat XYZ, I don’t have the energy to meal plan, etc. I wasn’t making horrible food choices, I was making horrible mental choices. I was picking the easier, lazier option – and that’s not me. I’m not a lazy person and I am not a quitter. I came into this journey in September and it’s now December 1st. I will not allow myself to slump back into bad decisions and choices regarding food – I have come too far.

With that being said, I cannot wait to start CDF and get this ball rolling! I can’t wait to do my meal planning, cook new healthy meals for my family to enjoy, and start feeling the way I was back in the beginning of this whole journey! If you’re on my Facebook or Instagram, you’ll be seeing a lot of updates! So, stay tuned!!


12 Years Yesterday . . .

Yesterday was a pretty big deal for me. I didn’t make it known on Facebook (surprised, right? Ha) because I wanted to write a length blog about what happened twelve long years ago (yesterday – 11/11/04) – I was admitted into my final residential eating disorder treatment center for anorexia nervosa with purging tendencies – Avalon Hills Residential Eating Disorder Treatment Facility.

The first time I can remember engaging in my eating disorder, I was five years old. My best friend and I had just come back from gymnastics. I kept looking at her body, and then I’d look at mine. Why was mine different? Why was mine fluffier and bigger than hers? Why couldn’t I be small like her, too? Why was I so different? Those thoughts lingered (and still do, but obviously not in a five-year old’s mindset) for a very long time before I actually “did” something about it. I can remember being very young and my parents saying, “if you don’t eat your vegetables, no ice cream for you”. Typical parents, right? What my parents didn’t know, is that even as a very young child, my brain was wired completely different from any other kid my age. Things happened (that don’t need to be discussed – maybe that’s for a different blog post at a different time) that they had no idea about, and my brain, my thought process and my ability to handle stress, anxiety and pain became vastly different. So, when my parents told me that if I didn’t eat my veggies and I got no ice cream as a result, I was okay with that. I was perfectly fine, because guess what? I was winning. I was in control and I didn’t have to do anything they told me, if I didn’t want.

Eating disorders are so different for everyone. It’s especially different for those that are younger. For an extremely long while, I’ve always had it in the back of my head that I wanted to help children and young people with eating disorders and mental illness, especially. I personally feel that if you get to those that are young, and help shape their behaviors and their ways of dealing with stress and anxiety, they’re less apt to choosing drugs, self-harm or eating disordered ways to deal with things that others have an easier time dealing with. I feel like those that are young are so easily influenced and if you influence them in a positive way, if you let them know that you’re there for them and they’re not alone and especially, the way they FEEL and interpret life isn’t WRONG, they’re more willing to deal with everyday stressors in a more positive way.

Eating disorders, contrary to popular belief, aren’t based solely on looking like a supermodel or being extremely skinny – they are a way of dealing with life. They are a way of dealing with stress and they are a way of making things that are too hard to deal with, easy. They’re manipulative and safe and strong when the voices are the only ones you want to listen to. Especially when that’s all you’ve known for so many years. Having to essentially change your entire way of thinking is hard, and dealing with things as you’ve always dealt with them is so much easier.

I look back and think of how disappointing I must have been to my parents growing up. Putting them through the things I did, no child should put their parents through. Those are the things I think about when I go back down the terrible rabbit hole that is ED. Looking back, and feeling the same way I did then, now, helps reelย me back in and helps me deal with issues in a more healthy manner. I am able to realize when I need help. I am able to figure out what I need to do, to not go any further than I had been going.

It’s taken me a few days to write this and be okay with what I was writing because I’m not extremely public about my struggle with my eating disorder. Those that are close to me know that I’ve struggled for year with one, but, those that weren’t around when I was younger really don’t know the lengths I went to, and how badly I was deep into my eating disorder. Leading up to this ‘anniversary’, I noticed an extremely large change with my eating habits. I kept questioning myself, was I eating too much? Could I eat a little less with no one noticing? Could I eat a little less and make my mind and body feel better? The answer to both of those questions, was no. The other day, I mentioned to my husband that I hadn’t been doing a great job keeping up with my containers, and eating what I should be eating to maintain the calories I needed for my work outs I was doing daily for the 21 Day Fix. He asked if he should have mentioned something, and I said no. I KNEW I was doing the wrong thing, but, because my personality is the way it is, I needed to change for myself. I needed to hold myself accountable and figure it out. I love that my husband is aware and is there if and when I need him (because, I do, often – everyone needs their spouse’s loyalty and support), but I also love that my husband lets me do my own thing and lets me come to him. I also noticed, that when I’d do my work outs and I hadn’t eaten properly the day before, I was dragging. I wasn’t able to have the stamina I needed to sustain the 60 second intervals for the exercises. I knew I needed to change if I wanted to continue to do what I was putting out, so-to-speak.

Again, this is a big thing for me – putting out there that I am struggling and this is helping keep me accountable. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s Monday – a new ย week – when people are waking up complaining it’s another day, another work week – I’m going to go in without that mentality. I will go in with a mentality that I need to change my habits. I was doing SO WELL for a VERY long time. The important thing to realize is, everyone has a lazy day – everyone has a screw up – the difference is how you deal with that screw up – how you deal with that set-back.

If you, or anyone you know is dealing with an eating disorder, whether that be EDNOS (eating disorders not other wise specified), anorexia, bulimia, over-eating, BDD . . . know that you ARE NOT alone, and that you ARE safe, if you need someone to talk to. I am here. Eating disorders make you feel so lonely – but know, you are NOT alone. With all the hate in this world, there are those that have been there, and are willing to be there for you when you need help. ((HUGS))