Hey, you guys! So, I decided to write on my blog about something instead of posting it on Facebook (although, my blog is linked to my FB, so it shows up there, but not unless you click on it) because I have several friends that are in eating disorder recovery, and I learned a long, long time ago in treatment that numbers can be very triggering for some (it was for me for a while) and the last thing I want to do is trigger anyone.
As y’all know, I started Core De Force yesterday (another Beach Body program). It is an AMAZING program. I finished up the second work out today around 7am. What a way to start the day! I never knew there were so many different variations of a push-up, and boy are my arms feeling it! But it feels AMAZING. I can’t wait to see the transformation that I’ll be at when I reach day 30 of CDF!
I stepped on the scale today, just to prove to myself that even after a detox, it wasn’t just water weight I lost. And, guess what? IT WASN’T! (While following the CDF eating plan and doing my work out, I maanged to lose 1.7lbs) I’ve been at a stand-still weight loss wise because 1) I was slacking on eating properly and eating throughout the day and 2) I had done the 21 Day Fix program three times – my body needed a change and I listened and GUESS WHAT? Today, since September 6, 2016, I’ve lost 20.7 pounds! THE HEALTHY WAY. No starving, no purging, no self-hate. No exercising for hours on end. Just the old-fashioned, change your LIFESTYLE type thing. I’ve never been able to lose weight this way. It was always don’t eat, work out for 8 hours a day, no sleep, eating some salad and sometimes grilled chicken and call it a day.
When I had my two oldest children, I was still pretty eating disordered wired. It never really leaves you, the thoughts and obsessions are always there, but there’s a way of dealing with them and changing your mind-set when you’re in recovery. I wasn’t there with the older kids, but I am now. When I had kids, I was scared I was going to “give them” my eating disorder. It is hereditary and I’m sure a lot of it is learned behavior as well (though, to my knowledge, no one in my family has ever had an eating disorder before me). But, I’ll be damned if I let my children suffer the way I suffered my entire childhood, teenhood and some of my adulthood. I want to teach my children that exercising daily is healthy and you need to be fueling your body with nutritious foods. Everyone always wants their children to have more and better than they did as a child – I think I am doing a pretty good job so far.
When I stepped on the scale today, and saw the number I did (I’m still not comfortable revealing that number, and probably never will be – but – we’ll see), I had to remind myself that this isn’t about weight loss. I knew weight loss was going to happen (and, it needed to happen. I was not at a healthy weight for my body type or height and while I wasn’t obese, I was overweight and I was unhappy), but I started this journey intially because I wanted a change. No. I NEEDED a change. I told myself, what do I have to lose by trying to change my lifestyle into a lifestyle that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. And then I told myself, I have NOTHING to lose other than negative baggage. This was MY time to take care of MYSELF. I love my children and I love my husband, but I can’t love them the right way unless I take care of myself. Women and mothers especially seem to forget that we need to take care of ourselves, too. We can’t be the best we are if we don’t treat ourselves as good as we treat our children and husband. We deserve to have happiness and we deserve to be treated well.
With that being said, I hope y’all have a happy Thursday!