So, y’all, Tuesday was a big day for me. My girlfriends and I went out for tacos and margaritas. I hadn’t gone out to a restaurant since starting the 21 Day Fix; mainly because I wanted to reap the benefits of everything the program had to offer me. You’re allowed to have 4oz glasses of wine 3x a week if you substitute a yellow (carbohydrate) container – but I didn’t even do that – and y’all know how much I LOVE my wine!!!! I was (and still am) dedicated to seeing what I could do for my body to make it healthy and strong. That included giving up my beloved wine (just not forever!!)
About a month before starting the 21 Day Fix program, I bought these jeans (that I am wearing above). Why? I don’t know; I hadn’t bought jeans in YEARS – mainly because I hate how they confine you and, well, muffin top. I hate that you can be one size at one store and either 3x too small or big for the next store. So, leggings all the way! I bought these jeans with the intention to wear them out for a girls night (with the same awesome ladies) to a wine and paint class (and just FYI, guys – I’m REALLY good at drinking wine, but painting, not so much). However, I didn’t end up wearing them. I tried them on and looked in the mirror and thoughts came back to days where I refused to go out because I thought I was too fat for company (as odd as that may sound to some of you). I felt disgusted with myself and just didn’t want to deal with the looks (you know, the looks of, “is she REALLY wearing that?” – but they’re really not thinking that. They’re probably not thinking anything of you – the lovely ED part of your brain likes to make you think that, though). I talked to a few of my friends in a Facebook group I am in with babies the same age as my youngest – I ended up switching into some PINK! sweatpants and a long sleeve PINK! sweatshirt and decided to go out and have a good time, despite feeling horrible. I’m glad I did (even if my painting was terrible). I know my friends didn’t care what I wore or how I looked, but, eating disorders do a funny thing to your brain.
Fast foward — those jeans above, I wore them with PRIDE Tuesday night. I tried them on for the hell of it, and I am so glad that I did. I haven’t worn jeans out in public in probably a good 4 or 5 years – yeah, I’m not kidding. Leggings, long shirts and sandals are my go-to outfit. They make me feel safe and comfortable and well, with kids it’s never a wrong way to go. Anyway, it was a big deal to me and a big deal to my confidence. I didn’t join BeachBody JUST to lose weight and tone. I joined it to see if this could be something that could change my life – and it has. My husband tells me often how big of a change he sees in my personality, how I view food, how I express myself – and that means so much to me. He tells me how proud he is every day because I am doing something for ME. I always put myself on the back burner and give, give, give to my family. It needs to be that way, but, you can only give so much before you become empty. One of my goals when I joined was to be able to wear clothes and not scrutinize everything about the outfit. That either my arms look too fat to wear a tank top in public, my stomach has stretched out so much from my 3 kids to wear a two piece, my thighs are too fat for shorts, my waist is too squishy for anything with an actual waistband. While I’m not 100% there, I’m on my way there and it feels amazing.
You don’t have to deny yourself having fun with friends, going out for drinks or food while you’re working on being healthy and getting fit. I didn’t magically gain all the weight back I’ve lost, or gain back all of the inches I’ve lost because I went out one night with my girlfriends and had a good time. It’s called BALANCE. And people need more of that in their lives.